Seriengriller Barbecue Apron, Tally Chart

Keeping score of everything that hit the rack

Serial offenders in films keep a record of their deeds; the Seriengriller keeps one of the food. Tally strokes stand beside each animal, with cattle out in front, followed by pig, chicken and fish. The final line carries a dinosaur skull with exactly one stroke, and nobody should ask too closely how it reached the coals.

For long evenings at the coals

Read from top to bottom the chart works like a logbook, which is why the eye keeps returning to it while the charcoal burns through. The apron is intended for the host who will spend the whole evening behind the grill anyway.

Which colour would you like?

Royal blue, red, grey, navy and black with a white print, plus white with a black one.

Material and shape

• twill cloth, 170 g/m², polyester and cotton mixed 80 to 20
• loop round the neck, two bands of 78 cm
• single size of 67 x 78 cm or so, bib reaching over the chest
• print centred and spread over the full height of the bib
• machine wash at thirty degrees

The chart is the real joke, because what gets counted here is neither years nor guests but species. Anyone who fires up the coals more often than the neighbour has the right record tied round the waist, and a reason to explain next time why that last stroke sits where it does.